An irate gym instructor and Colin Firth- How I learned to love audio books

Gym by itself is not an unknown concept to me. I have been aware of its existence ever since my mother was aware of the existence of the three rolls on my stomach. Refusing to bring up the poster child of childhood obesity, I was forced to be a guest feature at quite a few gyms across the country, where I mostly treated them as a place to take a shower before moving on toanother dessert hunt. Until the campus introduced a free gym and I had no more excuses to be fat. Not with the instructor eyeing me in the glinty, fascinated way an evil scientist must eye rabbits.

What did come as a surprise to me was how utterly dull the process of getting thin was. The zeal for fitting in a size 10 refused to consume me and all I could really concentrate on was how terribly, incredibly and completely boring a treadmill could be. I made playlists full of upbeat music. I tried watching sitcom episodes downloaded on my phone. I even tried to sneak in an Agatha Christie once. Neither option worked very well. I still wince when I hear the strains of a bass guitar. The instructor definitely did not appreciate the fact that I had to take breaks between jogging so that I could gasp out in laughter. The book simply received a wry "Are you kidding me?" 

It was desultory Google searches, mostly on  the lines of "How not to try to kill yourself on the treadmill", where audiobooks came up as a suggestion. I was not a believer in audiobooks, mostly seeing them as another fancy way of avoiding real, physical books (this was also way before I bought a tablet and embraced all fancy ways out there). However, I was overweight, unmotivated and was already nursing an intense desire to punch bass guitarists everywhere. Then the choice was made easier. Colin Firth. Colin Firth with his dulcet tones and memories- sweet, secret memories- of a puppy-faced Darcy. It did not matter what book it was he was narrating, it did not even matter that the book seemed to be a combination of romance and religion, both genres I  tend to avoid. It was Firth. He could read the definitive text on Monetary Policy to me and I would lap it up.

And lap it up I did. The End of the Affair is not a book I would have liked to read. I found it slightly overbearing and shallow. But I will always maintain that the reason I fell in love with Greene and his mastery of sentence writing is Colin Firth. He read the words aloud as they were supposed to be read, with a hint of irony mixed with melancholia and indifference. He brought the book alive as I listened, lost,  to words written sixty years ago, all the while running on a treadmill. Not perhaps how Greene ever imagined his work might be appreciated. But appreciated it nevertheless was.

Needless to say, I have stopped looking at gyms as wormholes who suck up hours of my time. I have stopped considering audiobooks as an aid to the lazy. I have also added another genre to my reading experience. All because my gym instructor believes that to exercise is to suffer. And the magic of Colin Firth.

2013- Reading wrap up and general sobbing

So, 2013 was a bit of a disappointment. Not only did I not reach the 100 book goal, blogging was forgotten mostly. Though there were guilty twinges felt at random moments, life was, you know, HAPPENING!

But 2014 is here with new, firmer resolutions. But before we get to that, let me see how 2013 really did go. Here is a survey I have stole from Reading Rambo, who in turn stole it from Alley, with some additional material I might remember while writing this post.

Number of books read in 2013: 80. My go to excuse is that I am in love! But this is far, far lesser than in 2012, when I was also dating someone. But 2013 is happier so blehph! I will take 20 books lesser any day for a year like 2013 again.

1. Best Book You Read In 2013? This is hard because the entirety of my book love went to Terry Pratchett's discworld series this year. I am passionately in love with the man's intelligence, inventiveness and the sheer amount of humour. I have laughed out aloud in public buses, shaken with uncontrolled mirth in cafes and wept joyful tears while falling off my bed. Terry Pratchett, sir, you have shown me my capacity for an obsession I never realized I had the depths for. 

2. Book You Were Excited About & Thought You Were Going To Love More But Didn’t? An Ocean at the End of the Lane. I read the whole book desperately trying to love it and hating the fact that I could not. But it was too on-the-nose and preachy and Gaiman, for the first time, failed me. And I spent $25 for an autographed copy!

3. Most surprising (in a good way!) book of 2013? Busman's Honeymoon. I had given up on Sayers by the last book and had read it only because of my endless desire to see things through to the long, bitter end. But it turned out to be a very interesting and gentle story about a marriage of two damaged people. And, well, a murder, but that remained an afterthought for all, including the author. Sadly, it is hard to recommend the book when you know readers will have to go through a few tiresome ones to appreciate the last one. 

4. Book you read in 2013 that you recommended to people most in 2013? Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe. I refuse to believe there are people who can dislike this book. It is a warm, friendly, bittersweet book, like going back home and meeting your best friend after a long time.

5. Best series you discovered in 2013? : Discworld! This does not even merit an explanation.

6. Favorite new author you discovered in 2013? I heart Pratchett!

7. Best book that was out of your comfort zone or was a new genre for you? Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep. I have read pathetically little science fiction but this was an amazing read!

8. Most thrilling, unputdownable book in 2013? Guards, Guards! (Again, discworld!)

9. Book You Read In 2013 That You Are Most Likely To Re-Read Next Year? Though I do re-read books, most of them are old favourites. Probably one of the Enid Blytons. I am not ashamed.

10. Favorite cover of a book you read in 2013?  Any of the covers from the Buddha series by Osamy Tezuka. 

Look. So completely odd. So pretty.

11. Most memorable character in 2013? Captain Vimes (Yes, Discworld again). Such a complex, fascinating study. Such a thrilling journey. Additionally, his views on chess.

“He hated games they made the world look too simple. Chess, in particular, had always annoyed him. It was the dumb way the pawns went off and slaughtered their fellow pawns while the king lounged about doing nothing. If only the pawns would've united ... the whole board could've been a republic in about a dozen moves.” 

12. Most beautifully written book read in 2013? Invisible Cities by Italo Calvino. It is an achingly beautiful book where you sometimes forget the entire story because you are so completely distracted by how each sentence is formed.

13. Book that had the greatest impact on you in 2013? Magicians by Lev Grossman. I physically detested the book and kept on wishing to stamp hard on the copy I had. I would have, except it came from a library.

14. Book you can’t believe you waited UNTIL 2013 to finally read? Terry Pratchett. I could have started 8 years ago except I thought the covers looked too frivolous. Oh foolish, self-important 18 year old me!

15. Favorite Passage/Quote From A Book You Read In 2013?  I don't know. Do people note this stuff?

 16.Shortest and Longest Book You Read In 2013? 
Shortest: A Calendar of Tales, 31 pages.
Longest: The Collected Short Stories of Roald Dahl, 768 pages.

17. Book That Had A Scene In It That Had You Reeling And Dying To Talk To Somebody About It? Every romantic scene in Busman's Honeymoon. I was so excited, not only did I discuss every single scene with the boyfriend, but wrote an actual blogpost on it. It deserved all that appreciation.

18. Favorite Relationship From A Book You Read In 2013 (be it romantic, friendship, etc). Read previous.

19. Favorite Book You Read in 2013 From An Author You’ve Read Previously: Invisible Cities by Italo Calvino. Especially since the previous book had been a bit of a snoozefest.

20. Best Book You Read In 2013 That You Read Based SOLELY on a Recommendation From Somebody Else: Where'd You Go, Bernadette? All the exalting blogposts finally convinced me.

21. Genre You Read The Most From in 2013? Fantasy. It accounted for 37.5% of my reading last year. 

22. Newest fictional crush from a book you read in 2013? None. Somehow, love failed to happen.

23. Best debut book you read? Bossypants. Apparently, no other debuts were read.

24. Most vivid world/imagery in a book you read in 2013? Seriously, people note stuff like this?

25. Book That Was the Most Fun To Read in 2013? Any Pratchett book.

26. Book That Made You Cry Or Nearly Cry in 2013?  Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe. I wept profusely. This book is meant to be for weep fests.

27. Book You Read in 2013 That You Think Got Overlooked This Year Or When It Came Out? None really. Most of the books I read have been well recognized.

28. Did you complete any reading challenges or goals that you had set for yourself at the beginning of this year? None. I am terrible at goal completion.

29. One Book You Didn’t Get To In 2013 But Will Be Your Number 1 Priority in 2014? End of the Affair by Graham Greene.